10 days

Its been 10 days since I blogged. I sit here and I try to think of positive things to say.. but it all feels so gloomy.. sad.. worrisome. I know I have many things to be thankful for. I have a wonderful husband, two beautiful children and a great extended family who helps me yet I still have trouble blogging about the happy things in my life. I'm over whelmed, over extended and I don't see anything changing in the near future. This is exactly why I haven't blogged. I re read this and I know how depressing it sounds.

Tug of War

Lately it seems as though I'm torn. Its hard enough being a working mother and having that guilt of leaving your children and not being able to do as much as you'd like at home for your family. Then add to it the endless activities that your son has to do daily due to his pdd nos. Add into that preschool, doctors appointments and friends who want to do things with you. Its all too much sometimes. I find myself feeling so torn. I feel as though I'm always letting someone down. Its impossible to juggle it all and be happy. I know that when I'm choosing my child or family over going to dinner or shopping with a friend that its the right choice but its still hard. Its hard when people expect me to be available like I used too. I just really can't. I'm not even available to do the things I love to do anymore. I am sure someday I'll be able to get back to the things I enjoy like baking on a saturday.. watching a movie or just taking nap but for now its not possible. I can't be everything to everyone and I continue to be in a tug of war.

Friends with Flaws

I have friends with flaws. I'm learning to accept them for who they are and take the mistakes they make with a grain of salt. I think we sometimes expect alot of people. Why do we hold our friends to such high standards when we don't do the same for ourselves? We've all done it.. we say something bad, we are judgemental.. I know I have done it. I think its important to take the good with the bad and communicate when things go wrong with your friends. I'm learning to do that more. I have such a hard time with confrontation. It makes me tremble inside and arguing just makes me so upset that I cry and then seem weak. I do think if we all call each other out on our mistakes that we'd all become better people, at least I hope we would learn from our mistakes.

Wouldn't it be interesting to give your friends a survey and have them fill it out about you? to learn about all your flaws and how people percieve you? People take me wrong all the time..its my lack of filter. Its a strength and weakness. I personally would never change that about myself. So I'm just going to keep on loving all my friends with flaws.. at least until they screw up big!

Inspirations

I've been away from blogging for quite a while.. 3 years or so. I got caught up in life and doing other things. I don't think the things I did instead were better and I"d like to get back to a place where I take some time to be productive and not get caught up in doing what everyone else is doing. Theres so much technology with texting and facebook that I think we've lost the written word. No one writes letters or notes anymore. Its convenient to text your friend, girlfriend or family but theres something special about getting a card, note or letter in the mail that means so much to you that you put it in your keepsake box. We don't do that anymore. We hit delete, erase and clean everything up for more space on our phones.

I thought I'd start by telling you about some of my resent inspirations. I had totally forgotten I even blogged until a friend told me she started doing it. She shared her blog with me and I really am enjoying getting to take a peak into her world. I feel special that she shared it with me. She has inspired me to start putting my thoughts down again. I think it will be extremely therapuetic for me. Doing this leads me to another inspiration.. my son Gordon. He's 4 now. I have no idea where the time has gone but he has certainly changed our life. He's smart, caring , polite and so many other things. He loves music of all type and its so sweet to hear him sing and try and make up songs of his own. We recently found out that Gordon was PDD NOS which is an Autism Spectrum Disorder. We were completely blind sided by it. It was extremely hard for us as parents at first.. and still is.. but I'm really inspired by him. He inspires me to be more excepting.. to stop and have patience to realise that so many things in this world don't matter. He needs me to change and help him and in the end I think we will both have helped each other.

Charlotte.. oo my sweet Charlotte.. shes a mover and a shaker.. shes my almost 11 month old. I am truly blessed to have her. She inspires me to be a better woman. To set a good example of what she can grow up to be. These are just a few of the things that inspire me lately.

He look so different in every one!

It amazes me how different Gordon looks in pictures.. I call this one here the uni brow picture. I am so glad hes not a girl.. look at all the plucking that would be necessary.
ah and this one.. my sweet baby after he took a bath.. he looks so much chubbier and his hair has gone wild!
Now theres nothing greater then a Nascar baby! He stole Daddy's hat and loves to walk around with it on.. when it falls off he cries for his hat back.
and lastly just a funny picture I took of the 2 of us together... I still can't get over how much I love that little face of his.. what did I ever do before he came into my life? I just don't remember.

Party Time!

Gordon had a great birthday party. He won't have such a big party next year but being his first we wanted to have his family and extended family there to celebrate. We had terrible weather but at least the house was big enough to hold everyone. He really seemed to enjoy his cake.. though I admit I didn't let him eat that entire splash cake.. I didn't want him getting sick later. I am sure with the second child I"ll let them have the entire thing.

Heres Gordon with his Auntie Lea Lea and his cousin Dylan. He loves them both so much. Our Leanne looks great doesn't she? shes down 71 lbs since her gastric bypass.

Heres one of Gordon and myself waiting for the guests to arrive.. I thought it'd be cute if we all wore checked shirts to match the farm theme. I know I"m a dork.. but you already knew that!

Gordons One!

Its hard to believe my baby is 1 year old already. I don't know where the time went.. but I wish I could get it back. I love watching him grown and change and though he takes my every free minute I wouldn't change it for the world. Here he is having his birthday pancake in the morning.

We got him a cupcake for his birthday since his party is later.. he didn't know what to do at first..

But as you can see he definitely figured it out! I guess he loves the icing just like his Mum!

Happy 1st Birthday Gordon!