10 days

Its been 10 days since I blogged. I sit here and I try to think of positive things to say.. but it all feels so gloomy.. sad.. worrisome. I know I have many things to be thankful for. I have a wonderful husband, two beautiful children and a great extended family who helps me yet I still have trouble blogging about the happy things in my life. I'm over whelmed, over extended and I don't see anything changing in the near future. This is exactly why I haven't blogged. I re read this and I know how depressing it sounds.

Tug of War

Lately it seems as though I'm torn. Its hard enough being a working mother and having that guilt of leaving your children and not being able to do as much as you'd like at home for your family. Then add to it the endless activities that your son has to do daily due to his pdd nos. Add into that preschool, doctors appointments and friends who want to do things with you. Its all too much sometimes. I find myself feeling so torn. I feel as though I'm always letting someone down. Its impossible to juggle it all and be happy. I know that when I'm choosing my child or family over going to dinner or shopping with a friend that its the right choice but its still hard. Its hard when people expect me to be available like I used too. I just really can't. I'm not even available to do the things I love to do anymore. I am sure someday I'll be able to get back to the things I enjoy like baking on a saturday.. watching a movie or just taking nap but for now its not possible. I can't be everything to everyone and I continue to be in a tug of war.

Friends with Flaws

I have friends with flaws. I'm learning to accept them for who they are and take the mistakes they make with a grain of salt. I think we sometimes expect alot of people. Why do we hold our friends to such high standards when we don't do the same for ourselves? We've all done it.. we say something bad, we are judgemental.. I know I have done it. I think its important to take the good with the bad and communicate when things go wrong with your friends. I'm learning to do that more. I have such a hard time with confrontation. It makes me tremble inside and arguing just makes me so upset that I cry and then seem weak. I do think if we all call each other out on our mistakes that we'd all become better people, at least I hope we would learn from our mistakes.

Wouldn't it be interesting to give your friends a survey and have them fill it out about you? to learn about all your flaws and how people percieve you? People take me wrong all the time..its my lack of filter. Its a strength and weakness. I personally would never change that about myself. So I'm just going to keep on loving all my friends with flaws.. at least until they screw up big!

Inspirations

I've been away from blogging for quite a while.. 3 years or so. I got caught up in life and doing other things. I don't think the things I did instead were better and I"d like to get back to a place where I take some time to be productive and not get caught up in doing what everyone else is doing. Theres so much technology with texting and facebook that I think we've lost the written word. No one writes letters or notes anymore. Its convenient to text your friend, girlfriend or family but theres something special about getting a card, note or letter in the mail that means so much to you that you put it in your keepsake box. We don't do that anymore. We hit delete, erase and clean everything up for more space on our phones.

I thought I'd start by telling you about some of my resent inspirations. I had totally forgotten I even blogged until a friend told me she started doing it. She shared her blog with me and I really am enjoying getting to take a peak into her world. I feel special that she shared it with me. She has inspired me to start putting my thoughts down again. I think it will be extremely therapuetic for me. Doing this leads me to another inspiration.. my son Gordon. He's 4 now. I have no idea where the time has gone but he has certainly changed our life. He's smart, caring , polite and so many other things. He loves music of all type and its so sweet to hear him sing and try and make up songs of his own. We recently found out that Gordon was PDD NOS which is an Autism Spectrum Disorder. We were completely blind sided by it. It was extremely hard for us as parents at first.. and still is.. but I'm really inspired by him. He inspires me to be more excepting.. to stop and have patience to realise that so many things in this world don't matter. He needs me to change and help him and in the end I think we will both have helped each other.

Charlotte.. oo my sweet Charlotte.. shes a mover and a shaker.. shes my almost 11 month old. I am truly blessed to have her. She inspires me to be a better woman. To set a good example of what she can grow up to be. These are just a few of the things that inspire me lately.

He look so different in every one!

It amazes me how different Gordon looks in pictures.. I call this one here the uni brow picture. I am so glad hes not a girl.. look at all the plucking that would be necessary.
ah and this one.. my sweet baby after he took a bath.. he looks so much chubbier and his hair has gone wild!
Now theres nothing greater then a Nascar baby! He stole Daddy's hat and loves to walk around with it on.. when it falls off he cries for his hat back.
and lastly just a funny picture I took of the 2 of us together... I still can't get over how much I love that little face of his.. what did I ever do before he came into my life? I just don't remember.

Party Time!

Gordon had a great birthday party. He won't have such a big party next year but being his first we wanted to have his family and extended family there to celebrate. We had terrible weather but at least the house was big enough to hold everyone. He really seemed to enjoy his cake.. though I admit I didn't let him eat that entire splash cake.. I didn't want him getting sick later. I am sure with the second child I"ll let them have the entire thing.

Heres Gordon with his Auntie Lea Lea and his cousin Dylan. He loves them both so much. Our Leanne looks great doesn't she? shes down 71 lbs since her gastric bypass.

Heres one of Gordon and myself waiting for the guests to arrive.. I thought it'd be cute if we all wore checked shirts to match the farm theme. I know I"m a dork.. but you already knew that!

Gordons One!

Its hard to believe my baby is 1 year old already. I don't know where the time went.. but I wish I could get it back. I love watching him grown and change and though he takes my every free minute I wouldn't change it for the world. Here he is having his birthday pancake in the morning.

We got him a cupcake for his birthday since his party is later.. he didn't know what to do at first..

But as you can see he definitely figured it out! I guess he loves the icing just like his Mum!

Happy 1st Birthday Gordon!

I'm a bad blogger.. and our happenings!

I know I'm a bad blogger and I promise to try and do better.. just a lots been happening here at our house. We lost Jeff's Gram in February and at the same time found a house to buy so that has us busy packing.

Here is Jeff's gram Marie holding Gordon when he was 3 days old.. she had heart trouble even then and we went straight from Magee to make sure she got to see him. We have some very nice keepsakes that she made to show Gordon when hes older.
Here is our new house! Jeff is away for 2 weeks but we've been moving boxes and packing as much as possible.. the big move is on the 13th! We can't wait.


Gordon had a great easter and he got a soccer ball.. who knows maybe that will be his sport when he gets bigger. Heres some other Easter pictures.

February in Pictures!

So I know I"m a slacker.. its been a crazy month. I"m going to be an Aunt to twins.. who knew!
I was house shopping and found the house.. so moving is on its way. My sister had the gastric bypass and lets think.. if anything else happened... I"m not sure as its all a blur but here are some pictures from the month of February.


Gordon learned to stand and loves playing in his new corral above .. hes safe away from doggie when we leave the room.. u just never know with Chalupa!





I also think its time for Gordons first hair cut. I hate to see my baby lose his baby hair but its definately getting too long.. time for an appointment with Nina.

Moms Night Out!

OK what do you get when you take about 9 Moms out for dinner and a little drinking.. CRAZINESS! We went to Rodneys and had a blast. It was nice to go out with the babies and chat and enjoy ourselves. The food was great also.. I should NOT of had that dessert but it was so yummy.

Heres two of my lovely Mom friends.. Candice and Tami. It was great chatting with them at dinner.. now if only Tami wouldn't of left so early. Hopefully we'll do this again.

Pajama Party!

Here Gordon and I are all dressed up for a pj party at Gina's house. Gordon ended up staying home.. he had a bit of a cold but it was fun to dress up in our racing pajamas. I of course had on Gordon pj's.. but Gordon has gotten so big he outgrew his and had to wear Cars.

Heres a picture of Gina and Giovanni.. he is such a cutie pie and Gina is definately a mom doing it all! We're so glad to have met them.

A tooth picture!

I am thrilled to say we finally have a picture of Gordons teeth!.. he ended up getting another one Christmas night.. that Santa is a sneaky little guy. Here is his 2 little teeth. I always thought him getting teeth would upset me.. u know the whole hes growing up so fast thing.. but I love it. I love watching him grow and change and I still can't believe how lucky I am to have him.

Happy New Year!

Heres our baby new year! Thank goodness he lets me torture him with these silly pictures!

Here he is after the party!

Gordon gets sick

On December 28th my baby got sick. He was throwing up everything. It lasted 2 days and was the worst feeling I've ever had. He would cry then I would cry.

Here he is having a popsicle. He wasn't taking anything, he hated pedialyte so the nurse said almost anything was good to try. We were just worried he'd get dehydrated.

We were so thrilled after 2 days when he was able to hold down his formula again. Here he is being held by Daddy. He got spoiled being held so much while sick but we didn't mind.

Gordons 1st Christmas!

Here he is opening his first gift from Santa!

We all had a wonderful Christmas. I almost couldn't find this $5 bib that I had to buy for my baby, somehow it got lost in the laundry. We went to Gram and Pap Howards house in the morning and Gordon had a great time opening gifts and he even took an hour nap.

Here he is opening some more gifts and wondering. "who put this silly bow on my head?"

He has teeth!

You can't see them but there's a tooth there. December 14th Gordon got his first tooth.. its in the front and it came kind of quietly. I was thrilled of that but I found out later that the rest are going to be quite a challenge.

His second tooth came on December 25th at bedtime and Gordon definately let us know it was cutting through. Two down and alot more to go! As soon as he lets us get a good picture we'll be sure to share it with you.

Holiday Pictures

Its a busy time here at our house so I thought I'd just show you a few holiday pictures.


Heres Gordon loving his tree!

Heres one we used on the Christmas card.. he could totally be a girl with those lashes!

I think he looks like he might be able to get in trouble soon in this picture.

Gordon likes Santa!

I was so excited to take Gordon to see his very first Santa. I could kick myself now for not video taping it.. but thats totally like me to forget. We went early so we wouldn't have to wait in line and took him to Monroeville mall. We were so pleased with how great the Santa looked and Gordon didn't cry. I wished he'd of smiled better but ooo well!

Our Little Turkey!

We had a very nice Thanksgiving.. it was a little hectic as all holidays are but I was happy to eat eat eat.. having just finished a way too long diet. Jeff pulled his back out a few days before the holiday so he ended up not working the night before so he was with us the entire day.

Gordon loved seeing everyone and getting passed around all day. He didn't have any turkey but he ate up his sweet potatoes. He was needless to say exhausted at the end of the day and cried at his Pap and Grams house or we would of stayed longer. Hes definately what we are thankful for this year and every year.

He says Da Da !

Thats right folks.. he says DA DA!.. not Ma Ma! but its ok I won't hold it against him. The funny thing is Jeff was trying to make him say ma ma.. I was trying to make him say Da Da.. it was bound to happen though as the da da is much easier to say. I told Gordon its perfectly ok with me.. just as long as he loves me the tiniest bit more then his Daddy : )