10 days

Its been 10 days since I blogged. I sit here and I try to think of positive things to say.. but it all feels so gloomy.. sad.. worrisome. I know I have many things to be thankful for. I have a wonderful husband, two beautiful children and a great extended family who helps me yet I still have trouble blogging about the happy things in my life. I'm over whelmed, over extended and I don't see anything changing in the near future. This is exactly why I haven't blogged. I re read this and I know how depressing it sounds.

Tug of War

Lately it seems as though I'm torn. Its hard enough being a working mother and having that guilt of leaving your children and not being able to do as much as you'd like at home for your family. Then add to it the endless activities that your son has to do daily due to his pdd nos. Add into that preschool, doctors appointments and friends who want to do things with you. Its all too much sometimes. I find myself feeling so torn. I feel as though I'm always letting someone down. Its impossible to juggle it all and be happy. I know that when I'm choosing my child or family over going to dinner or shopping with a friend that its the right choice but its still hard. Its hard when people expect me to be available like I used too. I just really can't. I'm not even available to do the things I love to do anymore. I am sure someday I'll be able to get back to the things I enjoy like baking on a saturday.. watching a movie or just taking nap but for now its not possible. I can't be everything to everyone and I continue to be in a tug of war.

Friends with Flaws

I have friends with flaws. I'm learning to accept them for who they are and take the mistakes they make with a grain of salt. I think we sometimes expect alot of people. Why do we hold our friends to such high standards when we don't do the same for ourselves? We've all done it.. we say something bad, we are judgemental.. I know I have done it. I think its important to take the good with the bad and communicate when things go wrong with your friends. I'm learning to do that more. I have such a hard time with confrontation. It makes me tremble inside and arguing just makes me so upset that I cry and then seem weak. I do think if we all call each other out on our mistakes that we'd all become better people, at least I hope we would learn from our mistakes.

Wouldn't it be interesting to give your friends a survey and have them fill it out about you? to learn about all your flaws and how people percieve you? People take me wrong all the time..its my lack of filter. Its a strength and weakness. I personally would never change that about myself. So I'm just going to keep on loving all my friends with flaws.. at least until they screw up big!